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Whenever I went to the gym, it started becoming more for my own health than for any desire to look a certain way for a partner.I started eating what I wanted more often and not taking so much care to dress up every day.

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I started viewing my body as a tool that I could leverage to feel wanted, even if that projected desire didn’t include love or affection.

Turns out, I was the first of my friend group to have one, and it happened only a few weeks into my first year of college at a small liberal arts school in Minnesota.